Saturday, December 4, 2010

Wimpy Daters

Last night, my wife and I were privileged to serve on a panel discussion about dating.  The event was hosted by Oberlin Christian Fellowship and was held in one of the new Oberlin College dorms.  The worship was wonderful, led by musicians that will one day play at places like Carnegie and Severance Halls (Oberlin is renowned for its conservatory).  Additionally, the questions from the students were thoughtful and honest.

Most of the questions related to choosing a mate and physical guidelines.  Some good dialog was had as many marriage was celebrated and God was honored.

Interestingly, what struck me most about the night was not the discussion itself.  I have served on panels like this before and tend to see the same kind of questions.  I really enjoy it, and it is exciting to talk to students who had the same questions as I did in that stage of life.  However, I continually come across an issue that doesn't get dealt with much.  It came up in a post-panel discussion as a student approached me directly.

She explained that she dearly loved God and wants to be with a godly man going the same direction.  Her problem: Christian guys aren't asking her out.  We just finished a meeting with a packed out room of young men her age that she sees every week on her campus.  None of them have had the gumption to approach her for a date.

There was nothing wrong with this girl.  Very intelligent and attractive, she had a clear plan for her life and a desire for a godly man to walk along sider her, but no one was taking the opportunity.  I've seen the same thing at our young adult ministry.  Plenty of good guys and even more godly women, but no action taken.

This wouldn't e so bad except for how often guys talk to me about their interest in a particular girl.  "You should ask her out," is my response.  I even have a motivational speech about how it's better to get shot down that to never know about what could have happened.  "I'll pray about it" or "I don't know" is a common response from the lovesick pansies.  They seldom do anything about it.

I've decided that I'm tired of these guys "praying about it."  Action needs to be taken.  So, I've created a guideline for single guys:

  • Is she single? 
  • Are you attracted to her?
  • Does she love God?

If the answer to all three is "yes," then ask her out.  Pray about it as you pick up the phone or walk over to her at church.  If God somehow convicts you that this is not in His plan, then back off.  The nervous feeling you get before you ask her out is not God's conviction, it is your fear.  Beat that dog of fear with the rolled up newspaper of adventure.  If you are waiting on a smoke signal from heaven or a floating finger to write her name on the wall, you will be waiting until Jesus comes back.  She won't.

This is part of the problem.  The young woman I spoke with said that she isn't having trouble getting dates.  She's just having trouble getting dates with Christian guys.  Plenty of ungodly young men want to be with her, and she desperately wants a relationship.  She is experiencing increasing levels of temptation, because she doesn't want to miss out on love.

Guys, are you hearing this?!  Godly young who would love to go out with you are dating pagans because you won't man up.  I know; it's still their responsibility to honor God with their relationships.  But what are they supposed to do?  Man up guys.  Be a hero and ask a girl out!

So, ladies (married and unmarried) what do you think about this?  Guys, I've called you out.  Do you have anything to add?


  1. I do have something to add...

    What's her name and how can I get her number? ;-)

  2. Let me see what I can do for you Bob. I recommend visiting the Oberlin Christian Fellowship student meeting on Friday nights!