Wimpy Daters

Last night, my wife and I were privileged to serve on a panel discussion about dating.  The event was hosted by Oberlin Christian Fellowship and was held in one of the new Oberlin College dorms.  The worship was wonderful, led by musicians that will one day play at places like Carnegie and Severance Halls (Oberlin is renowned for its conservatory).  Additionally, the questions from the students were thoughtful and honest.

Most of the questions related to choosing a mate and physical guidelines.  Some good dialog was had as many marriage was celebrated and God was honored.

Interestingly, what struck me most about the night was not the discussion itself.  I have served on panels like this before and tend to see the same kind of questions.  I really enjoy it, and it is exciting to talk to students who had the same questions as I did in that stage of life.  However, I continually come across an issue that doesn't get dealt with much.  It came up in a post-panel discussion as a student approached me directly.

She explained that she dearly loved God and wants to be with a godly man going the same direction.  Her problem: Christian guys aren't asking her out.  We just finished a meeting with a packed out room of young men her age that she sees every week on her campus.  None of them have had the gumption to approach her for a date.

There was nothing wrong with this girl.  Very intelligent and attractive, she had a clear plan for her life and a desire for a godly man to walk along sider her, but no one was taking the opportunity.  I've seen the same thing at our young adult ministry.  Plenty of good guys and even more godly women, but no action taken.

This wouldn't e so bad except for how often guys talk to me about their interest in a particular girl.  "You should ask her out," is my response.  I even have a motivational speech about how it's better to get shot down that to never know about what could have happened.  "I'll pray about it" or "I don't know" is a common response from the lovesick pansies.  They seldom do anything about it.

I've decided that I'm tired of these guys "praying about it."  Action needs to be taken.  So, I've created a guideline for single guys:

• Is she single? 
• Are you attracted to her?
• Does she love God?

If the answer to all three is "yes," then ask her out.  Pray about it as you pick up the phone or walk over to her at church.  If God somehow convicts you that this is not in His plan, then back off.  The nervous feeling you get before you ask her out is not God's conviction, it is your fear.  Beat that dog of fear with the rolled up newspaper of adventure.  If you are waiting on a smoke signal from heaven or a floating finger to write her name on the wall, you will be waiting until Jesus comes back.  She won't.

This is part of the problem.  The young woman I spoke with said that she isn't having trouble getting dates.  She's just having trouble getting dates with Christian guys.  Plenty of ungodly young men want to be with her, and she desperately wants a relationship.  She is experiencing increasing levels of temptation, because she doesn't want to miss out on love.

Guys, are you hearing this?!  Godly young who would love to go out with you are dating pagans because you won't man up.  I know; it's still their responsibility to honor God with their relationships.  But what are they supposed to do?  Man up guys.  Be a hero and ask a girl out!

So, ladies (married and unmarried) what do you think about this?  Guys, I've called you out.  Do you have anything to add?

Prince, Dating and Evangelism

Recently, I was involved in a discussion about door-to-door evangelism, and it got me thinking about why we share our faith in the most awkward ways possible. Let me be very straightforward; I don’t plan to ever schedule any door to door evangelism events. The truth is I hate it when religious proselytizers show up at my door. They interrupt whatever I’m doing, and they seem out of touch with the real world. When a guy in a white shirt and black tie shows up at my door I think, “Who are you to talk to me about my spiritual life. You don’t even know me.” Why would I want to associate myself with guys who are considered the worst Saturday bummer-inflictors of all time? I’ve done my share of “spontaneous” evangelism, and it has never worked out well. I’m uncomfortable, and they are uncomfortable. Drive-by evangelism in all its forms isn’t usually very effective. I believe this for 3 reasons:
1. It is creepy. Think about how you feel when a salesman or J-Dub (Jehovah’s Witness) comes to your door. That’s how people feel when you show up unannounced at theirs or when you introduce yourself by saying, “If you died today…” By the way, my friend Patrick says that Prince is a Jehovah’s Witness. While seeing him at your door would be more interesting than most J-Dubs, it would still be creepy (see below).

2. It gives me a reason to compartmentalize my life, separating witnessing from daily living. Witnessing should be a part of every relationship I have. If I set aside special “evangelism nights,” I tend to leave evangelism only to those nights.
3. The gospel is about relationship (God with man). When we share the gospel outside the context of relationship we are not only limiting our ability to communicate the full message of the gospel we are not living it either.

I’ve been thinking about why we put ourselves in uncomfortable evangelistic situations, and I’ve realized how much it is like dating. It is important to us, or we wouldn’t want to do it. And, it is best done in the context of relationship. I used to be so afraid of asking girls out. My nerves would get the best of me. It seemed like the less I knew the girl, the more uncomfortable we both were and the less likely she was to go out with me.

However, I realized something my senior year of college. The more comfortable I was with who I was and what I was asking, the more at ease the girl would be. More than that, the more at ease I was, the more likely it was that she say “yes.” However, that comfort only came as I got to know the girl. This is how I eventually married my wife. True story!

Have you ever felt nervous sharing your faith? Think about how the pre-Christian felt. Wouldn’t you like to feel comfortable? After all, you are the one with the good news. He’s the one who needs to hear it.

This is why we have the 5Bs. Now, I hate to call the 5Bs a “system” or “method” because it really is a lifestyle. This May, we are going to teach our church how to evangelize. If you want to learn how, sign up for a Life Group at www.churchoftheopendoor.org.

What has your experience with evangelism been like?